You're Not Her
by Nehasupnfan
Summary: Mia reminisces of the time when Alec opened up to her about Rachel.' Alec/OFC with underlying Alec/Rachel. Takes place after "The Meaning Of This" ONE SHOT


Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.

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Mia opened the door to her apartment to take the bag of trash out. This was her Sunday ritual. Sunday meant taking trash out day. She stopped short 'cause standing right outside the open door of the apartment opposite to hers was Alec.

"Be careful with the boob tube now!"Alec told the guy bringing in a box in which Mia assumed was his boob tube.

"What are you doing here?" Mia asked as she placed the bag of trash next to her.

Alec gave his patented smirk and whistled for someone to bring in the rest of his stuff.

"I'm moving in." Alec smiled at her and rubbed his hands together.

"Here? As in, that apartment?" Mia pointed to the open door.

"No, I'm moving in to your apartment" Alec replied with a serious face. But the mask slipped and the twinkle was back in his eyes.

A smile slowly grew on Mia's face. Somehow, for reasons unknown, she was delighted at the idea of Alec being her neighbor. The both of them had started hanging out a lot after that drinking game that they played almost….._3 months ago_. Alec was growing on her. Sure he was a royal pain in the ass sometimes but she couldn't imagine Alec in any other light. They bickered like school kids trying to gain the upper hand in a totally pointless debate. But they always called it a truce and went back to the original foundation of their friendship, booze. Drinking games with Alec were so much FUN!

And then there was that night 2 months ago.

_There was a knock at her door. Mia looked over at the clock on her bedside table. 2:37 am. She frowned and placed the novel that she was reading on the pillow. She made her way out of her room and stood in the middle of the living room, contemplating on answering the door. Alec and Max had warned her about this. They were a string of murders in Seattle. And the victim of choice? Independent, unsuspecting single woman living alone. She had raised her eyebrows at them at the detailed description of the choice of victims. They had just shrugged their shoulders then, claiming to get the information from an Eyes Only Broadcast. _

_As these thoughts ran in her head, Mia slowly made her way back into her bedroom. Maybe if she just stayed in there and didn't make a noise they would leave thinking no one was at home. Yeah Right! When has that worked in this broken world? _

_There was another knock although it sounded almost hesitant this time. Mia stopped moving. She cocked her head to the side in confusion. A killer that's hesitant? _

_Someone coughed and cleared their throat on the other side of her apartment door. Mia could have sworn that sounded familiar which is probably why she was moving towards the door now, trying to hear more._

"_Mia?" _

_Mia stopped short at hearing her name and instantly heaved a sigh of relief. She covered the distance to her door in two long strides and opened the door to reveal a totally disheveled Alec holding a bottle of what seemed like Scotch looking at a stain on the floor._

"_What the hell were you thinking giving me a heart attack like that ?!" Mia grabbed his hands and pulled him roughly inside for two reasons. One, she did it in pure annoyance and two, it was friggin cold! _

_She turned around to look at him in annoyance after bolting the door securely. But the annoyance quickly faded on seeing the look on his face._

_He looked slightly haunted. Just like that time in Crash on the day she first met him. He seemed unsure of himself which in itself was shocking to Mia 'cause she knew Alec as the cocky guy with the devil-may-care attitude. _

"_Bought some Scotch…"Alec trailed off shaking the bottle in front of her face but not looking at her/_

_Mia grabbed his left arm and steered him towards the couch. She sat down but Alec remained standing as if his brain couldn't figure out what couches were made for. He looked puzzled._

_She helped him out by patting the space next to her and he took the hint. He placed the bottle on the coffee table in front of them. _

_Mia studied his face for any signs as to what this late night call might be about. But he was staring straight ahead at something he obviously found fascinating at the turned off television set. Sighing Mia placed a comforting hand on his right arm. _

_Was this about Max? She dismissed that idea as quickly as it had formed in her head. If that were to be true he would be engaging in a screaming match with her. _

_She squeezed his arm and he relaxed. He placed his head on the head rest of her couch and closed his eyes. He brought his left hand to close upon hers and took one calming breath. Mia looked at their hands joined together._

"_She died a year ago." Alec started._

_Mia whipped her head to his face but he didn't look at her. He still had his eyes closed. She waited for him to continue._

"_Her name was Rachel…….and she's dead now." Alec's tone was cold. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. _

_Mia flinched at his words. He sounded so unlike himself she was beginning to get scared._

"_She died 'cause of me………" There were tears pooling in Alec's eyes and he rapidly blinked them away. _

_Mia was pretty sure it wasn't his fault. He was one of those millions of people out there who wound themselves like a coil thinking that they were responsible for someone's death._

"_I'm sorry." That was all Mia could manage. Because seriously, how does one react to that? If there was a better reaction to this she would love to hear it._

"_I loved her."_

_Now that one really threw her for a loop. She hadn't been expecting that. Alec was ALEC FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!!!!!! He didn't do love. He was the wham bam thank you ma'm type. Her brain reeled to a stop as a new possibility cropped in. What if Alec was the tom cat 'cause of what happened with this Rachel person? Maybe finding the courage to love again was just too much for him. Would certainly explain a whole lot. _

"_I'm so sorry Alec. I cannot comprehend how hard that must have been for you." Mia tightened her grip on Alec's arm._

_Alec let go of his arm and took the bottle of scotch and unscrewed the cap with his thumb and index finger. Mia watched in silence as he tipped the bottle back and took one huge gulp. He put the bottle back on the coffee table and proceeded to make himself comfortable on her couch. He brought his hand back to cover hers again, like it was the most natural thing to do. _

_After a few tense minutes Alec suddenly snickered and turned to look at Mia for the first time since he walked into the apartment._

"_Wanna know why I was such an asshole to you the first time we met?" Alec questioned._

_Mia didn't reply. She just stared at him in confusion at the sudden turn of conversation. _

"_Wanna know why I was so ignorant about you your first day on the job?" Alec leaned into her now and Mia could smell the liquor on his breath. She tried to ignore the chill running down her spine at the close proximity of his body. She managed to hold in the gasp that was threatening to come out. She didn't move a muscle. To a third person her demeanor would be a clear indication that she didn't want to know but that was far from the truth. Truth is, she had always wanted to ask him that but never had the courage to do it. She stared straight into his eyes hoping like hell that he got the message. That she wanted to know. _

"_You look like her." Alec moved away from her and leaned back on the couch watching and waiting for her reaction. _

_Confusion filled Mia's face until the realization dawned on her. The realization of who he was talking about. Her eyes widened as she looked at Alec. _

"_I'm sorry I remind you of her." Mia felt guilty now although that seemed stupid. "Must be hard for you. That my face brings back such terrible memories." Mia looked at her hand on his arm. She now realized why he was here. He was punishing himself. And what better way than to look at the face that reminds you of the horrors of your life?_

_Alec shifted closer to her and nudged her with his shoulder. She looked up at him with a certain amount of pain in her eyes._

"_That's the thing….you don't." Alec smiled at her._

"_Huh?" Was Mia's dumb reply._

"_You're not her. Sure the first time I saw you I cursed at whoever was up there for not giving me a friggin break. But you're definitely not her. Not in the slightest. Once I saw past the face I realized that. If you were like her, trust me we wouldn't be friends." Alec said in a calm soothing voice._

_Mia nodded finally understanding why he was here. He wasn't here to punish himself. He was there 'cause he didn't want to be alone. Not tonight. Suddenly a warm feeling spread to her stomach at the thought that he chose her to spend this night with. She didn't question it. _

"_Well that's good then." Mia shifted a bit to get comfortable on the couch and leaned her head back. Alec's next move surprised her 'cause he proceeded to lay his head on her left shoulder. _

"_I don't wanna go back to my place." Alec whispered softly. _

" _Want something to eat?" And with that statement she gave Alec the permission to stay the night. _

_The next morning Mia woke up alone with a severe crick in her neck. She looked around her living room and her eyes landed on a piece of paper on the coffee table. _

'_Thanks!'_

_Mia smiled at the note. It might have been just one word but it made her feel happy that she was able to help him out. _

Mia snapped out of her trip down memory lane. _'You're not her'. _Just thinking about those words brought a warm feeling in her stomach. She became inexplicably happy with the knowledge that he saw her for HER. And that he didn't see Rachel in her.

Mia looked up to find Alec staring at her like she had grown two heads. Mia coughed to hide the color rising to her cheeks.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Mia asked bending down to pick up the bag of trash.

"I'm telling you now." Alec moved out of the way for a guy bringing in another carton.

Mia nodded and climbed down the stairs to get rid of the trash 'cause it was starting to make her nauseous. When she came back she found Alec wasn't standing in front of his apartment. The door to his place was open so she took the liberty to walk in and looked around. The place was an absolute mess and surely Alec wouldn't be able to clean this place all by himself.

"It's not much I know. But home is where the heart is." Mia turned around to find Alec smiling at her.

"Need help?" Mia offered.

"What?! NO……" Mia raised an eyebrow, not convinced. "Alright yeah…."

Mia moved to open a carton when a strangled cry left Alec's throat. Mia looked at him in question.

" Don't open that one…"Alec smiled sheepishly.

"Stack of porn I assume?" Mia laughed.

"Nope something better!" Alec replied wagging his eyebrows.

"Oh god! Don't tell me this box is full of naked pictures of you!" Mia shuddered at the mere thought of it. Alec burst out laughing at the look on her face.

Mia took two healthy steps away from the said carton and began to open another one much to Alec's amusement. _This is gonna be fun._


End file.
